Like many teenage girls, Sila began feeling the strain of social life as soon as the first of her peers began their journey into womanhood. She loved her friends, but often felt jealous of Leeva’s hair and skin patterns, Shantavika’s rich and elegant clothing, and Agnit’s charming laugh that enraptured everyone. Their childhood friendships began to strain when Shantavika went on in the afternoon schooling to her Luvis courses, where she began learning broader, strategic lessons devoted shaping future leaders, and Buvik had to move into multiple technical courses in hopes of finding where his natural aptitudes lay.
Sila, Agnit, and Leeva continued to see each other in their afternoon Inma courses. Their classes had the most freedom of selection among the castes, but had a heavy focus on traditionally gendered roles. Sila hated the health courses, despite her mother’s push towards the medical field, but found a love for the art courses. She flourished in the classes that gave her the freedom to express herself. In her politic classes, she created her own props to emphasize her points and projects, and in mechanical physics she designed bridges that were both strong and beautiful. Algebra was difficult, and the endless memorizing of body parts drained any care she might have had for biology.
As the school year reached the natural halfway point in the summer, the Summer Solstice Dance was brought up more frequently. The entire school was excited about the dance and social, even despite it being mandatory. Some student liked that it signaled the natural end of school before the Summer Nap1, others genuinely liked the magical moments that it created in a young person's mind. Sila was most excited to display the decorations she helped create and, of course, to socialize with all of her closest friends.
Leeva bubbled constantly about the dress she had planned on wearing, which she had been holding onto for months, but both Sila and Agnit were nervous about their attire. None of the girls had attended a dance before. School dances were structured, with set roles in each type of dance based on ones caste. Most dances required even pairs, and for Inma, it was almost always four, which would leave one of the girls out of the dance. Sila's nerves continued to raise as the weeks counted down, and the world grew greener and longer with summer's approach. Her anxiety bled into school work, with her lost concentration causing mistakes in her studies, but Agnit was always available to help refocus her.
The Summer Solstice Dance
Snapshot: Age 14
“Nina-Mother just gave me the best news!” Agnit's words cascaded out in a rush as she bounced onto Sila’s bed, scattering her highlighters everywhere. Sila bit down on her pen, feeling her canines dig into the plastic. This was the fourth time that Agnit had interrupted her studies. Her sister may not have cared about their Biology exam, but Sila was not about to get another Blue Mark to explain to all of their parents.
“She’s decided to make something other than the Reikia Ribs tonight?” Sila collected the markers in agitated swipes, bending down with an angry huff to reach the ones on the floor.
“We-can-buy-any-dress-from-Valya's!” Agnit spoke so fast it took Sila a moment to register what she said. Each word clicked slowly together.
When she realized what her sister said, her mouth dropped open, letting the pen fall down to join her scattered highlighters.
“Tease me not Agnit. How?”
She grabbed Sila’s hand, squeezing it with excitement. "As long as they're under 300 shem each, they’ll take us tonight after Vorix-father comes home! Nina-mother and Trivini-mother said they’ll take us!"
It was Sila’s turn to squeeze Agnit’s hand in excitement. Their plotting and dropping hints to their parents finally paid off. Their dresses were designed to resemble those in the Onslek districts. The girls knew they would be the envy of their class if they could get them.
Sila couldn’t help it. She let out a scream of unrestrained joy, taking Agnit’s other hand and bouncing on the bed as her sister joined her. They scattered the helpless books and papers across the bed and floor as they shook the room.
“I call the gold one!” Sila shouted as they both started to calm down.
“Not fair! I want that one too!”
“You agreed that it matches my skin patterns better!”
Agnit pursed her lips in a pout, trying to cover her excitement. Her smile broke free into a huge grin. “Fine! But I get that flower necklace!”
They bounced on the bed again, catching the attention of their younger brother Reekar. He hopped in with a smile and hope to join in. The girls picked him up together and ran out into the common room, dancing around and exciting all their younger siblings, turning the moment into an impromptu family dance.
*****
Sila stared at her reflection in Valya's dressing room. Her hand trailed over her shoulder, trying but not quite touching the scars she had since she was little. It had been almost five minutes now, and she was trying not to let her emotions get the best of her. The dress was gorgeous, and the golden color did match the red, glittery pattern on her skin that traced down the back of her neck and spine, but it was ruined by the stark white scar tissue over each of her shoulder blades. The scars from her vestigial wing removal when she was a newborn.
While she wasn’t teased much at school anymore, she knew that any kids that saw the scars would know what they were. Poor Veelai was born with a tail, and once the kids at school learned this, her social life fell apart. She was constantly taunted now with hisses and jabs about her father being a reptile. Sila didn’t want to hear what they might call her knowing she was born with wings.
"Sila, my sweet?” a gentle knock joined her blood-mother’s voice. “Are you doing okay? Do you need any help?”
"Mom,” Sila took in a slow breath, feeling her heart sink at what she was going to say.
“Are you okay?” Her mother's hand jostled the door as she placed it on the handle, “Would you like me to come in?”
“I need a different dress.” Sila’s voice caught at the end, and she felt her face flush with shame at being so upset over something as silly as a dress.
“I’m coming in, Sila,” Her blood-mother waited a moment for Sila then opened the door. Her face immediately lit up at the sight of Sila. “In Sireera’s name, you are so gorgeous my little ruby dust!”
Sila smiled despite herself. It had been awhile since her mom called her ‘ruby dust’. As a babe, her blood-mother would tell everyone that Sila fell in bag of ruby dust and some of it just never came off. Sila was her ‘ruby dusted baby’.
“I’m almost gorgeous you mean. You can see my hideous scars.” Sila turned and showed her mom the scar tissue. Her mom’s face immediately scrunched up in scowl as she smacked her daughter’s back in a gentle but meaningful gesture.
“Sila Aloon Shantus no’Fla, do not ever say you or anything on you is hideous! Your scars are beautiful, like the rest of you, and you should be gladly showing them off!”
"I still get called ‘Elfy’ at school sometimes, if they see these scars, they’ll start saying I’m a bird or a flying rat!”
Her blood-mother gave her a sudden hug. She let out a heavy sigh as she did so. “Sila, the girls that call you these names will find any reason they can to tease you. I wish I could say otherwise, but that is the way of the child-minded. They can be cruel.”
“Why should I give them any more stones to sling?”
Her blood-mother turned Sila’s head gently to see her reflection once more. “Because these scars do not look like the ugly marks you think. They look like two dazzling star bursts. These lines look like the rays of a twinkling star. I bet with a little body shimmer, we could even make them shine off of you like a Starmoth's luminescent wings.
The idea hadn’t crossed her mind, but as her mother smiled, gently touching the raised scar tissue, the imagery flooded Sila’s mind, bringing a giddy smile to her faced. She turned her head back into her mother and squeezed her tight. “Thank you ma. I love you. I love you so much.”
*****
Sila and Agnit stood next to each other outside the school gymnasium for the dance. Agnit was waiting for Mulikar, her crush since she was eight, to show up. She was hoping he could see her in the full light of the sun before they went in, but it was setting too fast, and he was taking his time to arrive.
A cold shiver ran down Sila, as much from her excitement as from the cold wind. She couldn’t wait to see how everyone would react when she stepped in and took her jacket off. Thanks to her mother, she was going to outshine even Leeva.
“Agnit, we are going to miss the first dance, besides, I'm freezing from this wind and am going to lose my shawl,” Leeva sighed, pulling it tighter around her. Her dress was conservative and simple yet somehow magnified her natural beauty and elegance. The low hem line was barely above the ground, and with her tiny steps, she seemed to float as she moved.
“I heard Fahris say that Tellin told him that Mulikar was going to show at sundown,” Agnit was staring off at the walkway and street. Leeva sighed again and turned toward the street. Sila could only smirk. She didn’t care. The darker it got, the more she would shine. Agnit clearly felt bad though, as she let out her own defeated sigh. “Sorry, okay, just a bit more. Can I get five more minutes?”
The gymnasium sign in the athletics field nearby showed them their time, and Leeva turned to watch it like she was mesmerized, shivering each time the mountain wind blew down. Sila could only bounce in her flats, waiting her moment.
Laughter rang out from their side. Agnit perked up and immediately turned the girls toward each other. Sila took one look back and saw that it was Mulikar with his friends, coming from the highlane stop for their school.
“Okay, start joking, I want him to think we’re funny.”
“We are, just not on demand,” Leeva scrunched her face, “okay, well, did you see what Elfeen did yesterday at the social?”
Sila gave a genuine chuckle at remembering it. Leeva continued the story, picking up the pace and dropping details as Agnit motioned for her to get to the punchline at the right time.
Like the good friend she was, Leeva complied, and the girls gave out a series of laughs, partly exaggerated, timed perfectly for Mulikar and his friends to pass, making Agnit light up even more.
As they settled down, Leeva started hopping in place. “Okay, they left, let's go in!”
“I need to pee so bad!” Agnit trotted ahead of them after a few long steps.
“Halt your butt! I have been waiting all week for this!” Sila sneered at her sister then grinned. Agnit slowed down with a huff before they walked through the doors.
“I can't wait to see your display,” Leeva smiled to Sila. “Agnit told me how the test run looked! You'll be amazing.”
“I will!” Sila grinned as she gloated. She felt alive with the anticipation.
They waited for Agnit to come back before they walked down the hall towards the open gymnasium. As they passed the double doors, they marveled at the set-up. The lights shined on mirrored spheres that refracted the colors everywhere, dazzling the room in a slow rotation. The walls had pictures of old alnisian antiquity ruins running around the edges, with a few plaster columns and crumbled walls placed around the large area. A carpet of fake grass finished the scene off perfectly.
“Ready Sila?” Agnit asked with a smile. She grabbed Sila’s hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.
Sila took a deep breath, nodded, and grabbed her jacket, pulling it back off meaningfully, in a graceful move that she had been practicing in the mirror.
As soon as the lights hit her back, the body paint that all three of her mothers helped apply, it began to glow a golden red, the magical luminescent flowing out. It was like two flames were rising from her shoulders, and as she stepped forward, the faux-flames trailed behind her.
Everyone turned. She heard awe in their hushed whispers, and more than a few gasps of envy from the girls in the gymnasium. Though she tried to remain poised as she walked to the center, a smile broke acrossed her face as her face warmed at the attention. Without a doubt, she knew that she was a glowing star, and she would be the talk of the school for the rest of the year. A tear threatened to come up from her joy, but instead, she turned to Agnit and Leeva and laughed as she asked “Want to dance?”
fin
During the Summer Nap, the entire family took a vacation to Denjia, which had become an ordeal to organize. Five children, even with six parents, were difficult to manage while rushing through the travel ports and flying out. Keeping the youngest children occupied proved difficult too, but the vacation was exhilarating for Sila and Agnit who were allowed more freedom now that they were approaching adulthood. Sila was still riding high off the dance, and Agnit was both thrilled and saddened for Mulikar asking her for a private lunch and now needing to wait to see him.
The vacation was relaxing, filled with beachside views and several years worth of swimming in the sea. On their return, they had deeper tans and renewed spirits. Sila discovered that her red patterns complimented her tanned skin exceptionally well, boosting her confidence even higher into the year. Bolstered by so much positivity, the rest of the year flew by in a flurry of excitement, good grades, and more attention than the girls had ever gotten from the boys they knew.
In her third year of Journeyschool2, Sila took Home Culinary Basics with Agnit since they had no other classes together that year. Agnit proved to be a disaster in the kitchen - almost willfully bad - but Sila found the whole process exhilarating. It was baking and desserts that resonated the most with her. Even when Agnit dropped the class in the next semester, Sila continued on, taking the advanced classes going forward.
Though she was an average student in many of the sciences and math, she never failed a course and made good marks through her years in school. Weak in most of her technical courses, physical sports, and arcane literacy, Sila excelled in social sciences, history, and literature. Practical Nutrition was her best, leaving her parents confused at how well she grasped the more complex skills she began mastering.
The girls lives at home were a flurry of activity that reminded Sila of Buvik's family, now unimaginably thirty-three members large. With three younger siblings, Sila and Agnit felt they never had a moment of peace unless they escaped to their rooms. Often they would sit with each other in the common room, foot wrestling for space on the smallest couch as they scrolled on their computers for the latest in pop culture and news.
Their chores had expanded at home, they rotated between them throughout the weeks. Meelka helped them with the simplest tasks, such as feeding their pets, but it largely fell on the girls. Their parents contemplated the girls starting a part-time job, but they ultimately agreed that the girls should be allowed to just stay kids until their starmarking3. So they passed their free time bickering with their siblings, chatting with friends, and getting lost in music and hobbies.
In her fourth year of Journeyschool, Sila's academics went far beyond everyone's expectations. Her exceptional marks let her enroll in the Platinum Inma program during her last year in Lower Jouneyschool. She attended the after-school think tank where high-performing Inma collaborated on community enrichment programs with the top Luvis students. Shantavika was one such Luvis, giving Sila more time to catch up with her, despite not being placed in the same group. As they grew older, it was becoming less appropriate for them to hang out as different castes members.
Another boy in the program, Kovono, was in Sila's group. Whenever he sat next to her, she felt both self-conscious and thrilled. She often fell into daydreams about him, getting snapped out of it embarrassingly by the Luvis girl who led their project. Alnisian children were not allowed into any type of romantic coupling, but they often found ways to get their crushes within friend groups. She doubted she could bring him into her group of friends without making her interests obvious, the thought of which made her cringe.
The sisters had begun to drift apart as they transitioned from the Lower Journeyschool to Higher Journeyschool3. Sila spent more time with Kovono and his friends, hoping to share personal moments with him. Agnit had begun to spend more time with more active friends, those who shared her interest in physical sports. As they approached sixteen, the sisters had all but stopped hanging out together except when Leeva brought them together. Their friend, popular as she was, was the last to find new friends, settling in with the upstarts that fancied leaving their castes behind for higher ones.
The Shantus sereta were faithfully Valnic, at least if asked, attending the rituals and observing every rite and holy day. Sila, however, did not feel particularly close to the guiding spirits. It felt strange that her parents were excited about her Starmaking. Beyond the symbolism of the ceremony, her parents felt it would provide Sila "guidance" in her life that she seemed to lack. To her, the sentiment was a bit insulting, especially since they didn't believe it was as necessary for Agnit. As the ceremony approached, she read testimonials from others about their experiences. Sila was mostly annoyed to perform the ceremony, but she couldn't help but feel a little excited for it as well.
The Twin Starmarking
Snapshot: Age 16
Sitting next to Agnit, Sila squeezed her sister's hand to help calm her nerves a bit. Agnit's grip was loose, cool air flowing between their palms as Sila's hand continued to sweat enough for the both of them. She told herself that her rolling stomach was over a singular aspect of the ceremony, the "moon flow", where the light of the moon was to wash over her uncovered body in the gardens. The idea did not thrill her, but she knew it was private, and it didn't really bug her when she ran the steps through her mind. Deep down, she knew something else was eating at her.
The tram approached the top of Kalistouss Peak. The wide space held a few attractions alongside the city's largest Valnic temple. She had never been to it before, but it had one of the more famous Starmaking chambers, based on what she'd researched about what to expect. Her parents must have held a spot for a long time to get this temple. Either that or paid more money than Sila wished to consider.
"We're here," Vorix said, stating the obvious as the tram finally stopped. He stood, taking Reekar's hand and stepping out while the rest of the family joined him.
They stepped out into the cold air. Kalistouss didn't have the tallest peak in Alnisia, but it rose above its surroundings enough to be a noticeably cooler. All the natural foliage had been cleared away, leaving nothing to stop the chilled wind, forcing the family to bundle and hurry towards the temple.
"Don't worry so much Sila, I got you." Agnit pulled up their entwined hands, breaking her fingers free and giving them a shake in the air. "You need to practice some breathing techniques girl. What's with the nerves?"
Sila tucked her hands into her jacket, bracing against her shame as much as the chilled air. "I just don't want to strip down. That's it."
"We'll be alone. Besides, isn't it supposed to be in dark or something? You can't even see yourself," Agnit wrapped her arm around Sila's, dragging her sideways as the family rounded the walkway to the front of the temple.
Sila could see that there were already a few families in the temple, the lights illuminated against the setting sun. She hadn't considered that other families would be there, too. Her gut gave another nervous twist, tighter than before.
"Sila. Agnit." Sovia stepped up next to them from behind. "We're going right to the Mirosus Chamber. We're first, unfortunately, so there might be a bit of pink in the sky."
"Hear you," Agnit released Sila again and did a small skip forward, turning around and smiling at Sila. "Tonight. You. Become. Woman."
One of the other girls inside the temple heard Agnit as they passed the threshold, giving a small laugh. Sila also gave out her own chuckle, louder than she meant, and felt her face flush. Agnit responded with a goofy smile, wiggling her dark eyebrows playfully as she turned back around and strode forward confidently. Sila wished she had her sister's self-assurance, but Sila was prone to think first, then think again, not go on her gut like Agnit.
A sigh escaped her lips as they reached the front, the family coming to a stop. Their fathers took their brothers and sat down at one of the curved pews that faced the center podium. Getting the siblings to actually sit still instead of mock-fight as they kept trying to do proved to be a struggle for the three dads.
"Just the girls while they change. I'll come get you guys when we're ready to move to the Otradias for the ceremony." Trivini told the boys while Nina led the rest towards the mirosus chamber.
They entered the Mirosus Chamber one at a time. The chamber was elegant in the symbolic and well-worn ways of temples, but felt cold and open. A single priest stood in the corner of the chamber as they entered, going through her schedule. She turned as they entered and motioned to where she wanted Sila and Agnit to stand. They moved to the middle of the room, stepping down into a recessed circle covered in scuffed tiles.
"Shantus Sereta?" she asked, writing in the book as they answered. "I'll need your full names and birthdates. Would one of the parents please fill this out?" The priest took a clipboard off the wall and handed it to Trivini.
"Agnit Taneess Shantus is'Kam. 26th of Aullvin, 3320." Agnit stood relaxed, hands clasped behind her as she lightly rocked back and forth.
"Sila Aloon Shantus no'Fla. 6th of Alluvin, 3320." Sila answered, cocking her hip to the side to feign her own relaxation. It felt awkward, and she had to shift against as her hip cramped.
The priest moved to a table nearby, decorated in Valnic imagery, including one of the prophets that seemed to watch the girls with sympathetic eyes. The priest lifted a silk covered bowl below the prophet, turning towards the sisters. She held it in one hand and began to weave arcane energy into the contents of the bowl. "Are the girls permitted to take the Root of Nuvorim? And do you wish to?"
"By darkness, yeah!" Agnit's face broke into a huge smile before their mothers could even respond.
"Agnit!" Trivini interrupted, just as Sovia snapped as well. Agnit smirked and muttered an apology. Their mother turned to the priest. "I'm sorry-yes, they are allowed."
"Sila?" the priest asked, stepping closer and centered on the girls. With a gentle nod, Sila consented. She knew it was a mild hallucinogen, but she'd read enough to feel comfortable taking it. Having their consent, the priest took the silk from the bowl and held it to them. "Each of you reach in, send out a wisp of yourself and feel for the stone that calls to you. Keep it tight until I confirm them."
They reached in at the same time. Sila quickly pulled back when she bumped Agnit's knuckles. Unperturbed, her sister grabbed a stone after a moment and smiled, holding it firm.
"It's hot." Agnit whispered to Sila with a smile, earning a scowl and a sharp shush from the priest.
Sila reached in and focused some of her arcane energy toward the stones in the bowl. She felt their feedback, sharp like briar barbs charged with static cling. It was a strange sensation, but as she searched, she felt what the priest was saying. She felt her arcane flow cast out like a net unfolding into the water. As it spread out, she felt two gentle tugs. A soft, gentle pull came from her left, but it was meek. To her right, however, she felt a yank, an almost insisting drag, drawing her hand. She reached on instinct and grabbed it.
As her fingers grasped it, a deep warmth flooded over her, immediately bringing memories of nuzzling into her blood-mother's arms as a child, watching the snow drift in the yard through the windows as her mother hummed. It was a radiating comfort, almost too comfortable to let go.
She pulled her hand back with the stone. The priest immediately put the silk back over the bowl and turned away.
The priest set the bowl down carefully, quickly returning to pull Agnit's hand up, opening her fingers to the stone and examining it. Sila watched, noting little marks carved into the stone. At the priest's prompting, Agnit charged the stone and Sila watched as little red and brown lights wavered over the carved pattern, blossoming into a fearsome storm of fire and lightning in the stone.
"You bear the hishvin of nil'ravno. That is your energy, and you shall wear the bracers."
Turning to Sila, the priest gave the same instructions. The feeling in her gut, what she believed was her hesitation at disrobing, flared as she looked down at the stone. She gave her head a little shake and released a sharp breath, then let her energy flow directly into the stone. An orange light flowed across it as the last fires of a sunset refracts on the bottom of a pool.
"You bear the hishvin of taanoo, the hearth. That is your energy, and you shall wear the cloak."
When the priest moved away to gather the ceremonial clothes, Sila turned to Agnit, a knowing smile on her face. "You'll be happy to know that nil'ravno is the energy of athletes. Pretty sure that means, you're destined to be an all-star."
"What's a taanoo? Hearth? That sounds cozy," Agnit was being nice, Sila knew her sister well enough to know she meant boring.
"From what I read, it's the kind of thing you'd see therapists, counselors-people that help others pull from the bowl. It's probably wrong for me, though. I'm not much of a people-person." Her stomach twisted as she spoke, but she swallowed it down, holding her breath as she turned back to the priest.
The prist handed Agnit a pile of clothes, then pointed between the sisters to a dressing room behind them. Her sister smiled and shrugged as she turned and walked in. After a minute, the priest handed Sila hers, pointing to another room to change.
Both sisters dressed themselves quickly. Sila didn't have a mirror to appreciate her look, but when she saw Agnit, she could guess how hers presented. They both wore simple silver dresses with a hidden zipper along the front. Agnit's was too short for her, exposing her runner's calves and calloused feet, but Sila's went to her ankles. Their sleeves went to their elbows, with Agnit sporting two silver bracers that covered most of her forearms. They looked warm with their fur inserts, decorated with a beautiful filigree and several large stones.
Sila's robe was thick, warm, and regal if a bit plain. It was a pale blue with a white inner lining, grayed a bit from age. As she watched Agnit shiver in the cold room, she was glad she had the extra warmth.
"Now it shall begin. Do you know what to do?" The Priest asked as she handed over two small glasses of Nuvorim. Sila nodded but Agnit shook her head. Undeterred the priest explained. "You shall take this drink then we shall exit that door walk to the ortradias. Head Belveen shall read to you the "Walk of the Moon" and you shall step into the silent garden. Walk to each lantern, wait until the Vatrineesh reads the proverbs. He will speak at all three. Finally, cross Night's Threshold where you will begin your naming ceremony together. As a final note, when you disrobe, you may leave your undergarments on. Nudity is not forbidden, and considered a personal choice when you bathe in the stars, but it is generally discouraged. Still, the ceremony is for you, it is your choice."
Both girls nodded as finished her instructions. Satisfied, she continued. "Follow the Vatrineesh's instructions. This ceremony is for you, it is personal, it is private. Take it to your heart and be born anew. Now drink."
Nina stepped out to get the rest of the family as the girls drank the nuvorim quickly. It was bitter and earthy but not unpleasant. Sila felt an immediate rush to her head, a light-headedness rushing through her. She held herself steady and turned to Agnit who grinned as she returned her glass to the priest.
Once the family was in, they proceeded down the halls. The gnawing in her gut returned with each slow, purposeful step the family took. The closer they got, the more it seemed to lurch and churn inside of her. Her mind kept replaying the priest's declartion in her head. "You bear the hishvin of taanoo, the hearth.".
She was comfort for others.
Agnit didn't seem to be fazed, she had a smile on her face as they kept walking. As Sila glanced at her sister, she got an excited double brow raise in response. She could see her sister's pupils were already big and glassy, a sign of the root taking effect, and she wondered if it was taking effect in her too.
All Sila felt was the lingering light-headedness and her growing nerves.
She didn't want to undress, but as they grew ever closer, she realized it wasn't about her modesty or stripping down. It never really was.
She didn't want to be named.
She didn't want her destiny, her fate, determined by some strangers in a random temple. It was meant for her to decide. What if she didn't want to follow the path they ordained? Would she even have the strength to resist her determined destiny?
She didn't know, and had run out of time to decide. The priest before them reached up and pulled open the heavy double doors to the ortradias. The loud creaking snapping Sila's attention forward as the aged scent of old wood, fabric, and incense raced out.
A gentle hand behind them pushed the girls in as the family stepped in right behind them. As the sisters were directed toward the center, the family took their seats along the walls.
The girls walked to their spots near the center and knelt down as directed by the priest. She directed everyone from her spot next to an elevated dias where Head Belveen stood. As the highest ranked priest in the Valnic temple, he was dressed in rich, ornate clothes. He looked down toward them with a soft smile in his aged face as he lit the candles on the dias while the priest turned the lights off.
"It is a clear night and the moon is near full. You are blessed to have your starmarking tonight," the head priest spoke. His voice seemed to warble, invoking a strange sensation like rough leather dragged over her skin. She kept her eyes on the priest, but her focus waned, fluttering between the lights flickering around the room and the priest. "Tonight, you shall go together and have your destiny read to you, your soul's named, and-"
Sila suddenly felt like she was loosing her balance. Her senses became overwhelmed in the sudden flush of the world.
Everything was light, the whole world illuminated from the few candles burning. Her eyes broke from Head Belveen. She looked down and was surprised to see she was still grounded. Her knees didn't feel the carpet at all, it felt like they were in the air, like she was hovering. She wasn't afraid, just confused, gripping her dress at the front to feel grounded.
Looking back, the light of the candles was almost painfully bright as she watched the head priest read from the book. She could hear him clearly, minus the warble, but her mind was solely focused on how the light of the flames danced across his face and glasses. A warmth radiated from the tiny flames, heating her skin like a hearth.
Or was she the hearth?
Is this what the priest saw in her? The warmth she was supposed to give others?
Her stomach spun in a fearful giddiness. It made her feel like she was bobbing while she floated. Except she knew she was grounded. She stole another glance down to make sure.
Agnit stood, prompting Sila to do so as well, though she didn't hear the instructions to do so. Head Belveen motioned to the doors, stepping forward and opening them. The girls walked around the dias and stood at the entrance, waiting for their cue as the family gathered around them.
"May the stars guide you," the head priest spoke softly just to them, his hands spreading out as they took their first steps as if setting them free. Sila's now grounded feet took touched the packed dirt path of the Silent Garden, her breath held as she did.
And it was truly silent.
Sila noted the openness of the silence, It wasn't oppressive as she would have expected, but inviting, like a void waiting to be filled.
She wasn't sure if it was the root, but even her footsteps were muffled, hushed in awe as she glided forward.
They drifted their way to the first set of lights, illuminated in a soft silver glow. She reached for Agnit's hand again, who met her in the hushed space and gave a gentle squeeze to comfort her.
"You step between two worlds tonight," echoed the Vatrineesh, the source unknown as the words wrapped around them. "Here, before the mother moon, you leave your family and the life of a child behind."
Ahead, the next set of lights began to glow.
The girls stepped forward again. Sila's heart pounded. It seemed to pound to a rhythm.
"Tonight, the mother of all is full. Full of love and full of gratitude for you. She joins the stars as you are made before her."
The last set of lights bloomed into a silver glow, and they glided forward once more.
"Leave the trial of children behind and enter the trial of tribe, step into the womb of the moon, shed your old self, and let the stars define you."
The doors opened unaided, revealing a deep blackness inside.
Sila squeezed Agnit's hand harder as they crossed into the darkness. The doors closed behind them, and they felt the blackness drape over them like a heavy blanket.
"I am your Vatrineesh, and I am not here."
Sila's eyes began to adjust in the dim light, and she could see the room before her. It was illuminated only by the small windows along the top of the wall, but the Nuvorim helped sharpen her eyes just enough to see in the dimness.
Before her was a small pool of water, just large enough for her and her sister. On the other side was the Vatrineesh. He was painfully old, his arms trembling as he felt across the table before him for the controls he used for the ritual. As with all Vatrineesh, he was voluntarily blinded as part of his role for the spirits. He spoke from memory to them.
"Strip bare your old clothes, but keep the marks of your spirit."
Sila and Agnit unzipped their dresses and let them fall to the floor. Agnit visibly shivered, her bracers not providing the warmth that Sila's cloak provided.
"Step forward and kneel in the pool."
They stepped past their fallen dresses and down into the pool of water. It was almost shockingly warm compared to the cold of the pavement outside. She welcomed the warmth as she knelt down into it.
She glanced to Agnit, who did the same toward Sila. Agnit smiled, excited about the finale of their ceremony; Sila's smile was brought from the reassurance of her sister's strength.
A gentle heat flowed over her. In the comfort of the pool, her stomach had stopped turning and her heart calmed.
The priest began to recite an old rite, but Sila's mind was turning inward. She finally felt truly calm inside. Her mind no longer fear the destiny she'd have read. It didn't matter what the stars would say tonight, for fate, like light, reflects and refracts. She is who she is.
"Now take the orb that calls you, hold it to your chest with both hands, and look to the heavens."
They looked down to see several colored orbs in the pool. Sila reached down first, grabbing a green orb and pulling it up. It looked like a glass bead. It wasn't too small, but its size made it awkward to cradle in both hands. A faint arcane energy emanated from it, and Sila felt the faint energy of her robe reach back and sync with it. The energy passing through her made her feel dizzy for a moment, but she held steady and looked up.
"Breathe deep of our mother's breath, and let the stars make your path."
Sila took a deep breath, realizing there was a scent in the air, something a bit metallic, but her mind was lost to it to the sudden burst of light above.
A shutter opened above them, revealing the night sky, awash in the last deep purple marks of the set sun. Inside her, she knew the Nuvorim root was messing with her senses, but what she saw unravelled what was dream and what was reality within her.
The stars above, beautiful and numerous, swayed and danced. Each one began to blink and shift in colors. Some fluttered around others in ways she had never seen before. She was fully enraptured to the chorus above. Rays of light, more infinite in colors than she knew possible, reached out and down.
Her hands clutched the stone tight as she felt herself lift into the sky. A part of her knew she was still in the temple, but when she looked around, all she saw were stars around her. An infinite array of colors burst through pinholes in a black fabric cocooning around her. A trace of light raced out from one pinhole and played through her hair and fingers before it touched the orb in her hand, causing a nova of light to emit.
The glass bead coolly burned in a whirlpool of colors. It asked to be closer to her, and she pressed it gently to her forehead, closing her eyes.
The colors poured into her, illuminating her from the inside. Her eyes cracked open, looking down, catching sight of the lights swirling around inside her core. They moved in her stomach, down her legs, and up her torso. In her chest, the lights swirled around her heart, knowing her entirely, and finally, she felt them in her mind, whispering to her the truth of who she was.
Sila's head lolled to the side and her eyes found Agnit, still with her, floating in the blackness and awash in light. She looked strong, so incredibly strong. The lights on Agnit traced over her sister's shoulders like plates of armor, her eternal protection. Turning back to herself, she wondered what they would do for her.
"Sila..."
She couldn't speak, her tongue was too heavy, but she acknowledged the words blossoming in her mind.
"Sila...you have the hearth inside your heart. The stars see you and know you care. Your path is one that will comfort the masses. You warm the cold. You feed the hungry. You hear what needs to be heard and see what needs to be seen. You prosper when others to prosper by your guidance.
"Sila, you have a name in your soul. We call it out.
"Sila, the name of your soul...is..."
fin
After the Starmarking Ceremony, Sila felt more unsure about her future than ever. When the apprenticeships began, Agnit immediately signed up for the "Physical Development" track, leading her temp-apprent through sports complexes, physical therapy centers, and nutritional courses. It held no interest for Sila, and she procrastinated until a teacher suggested she try the "Food Wellness" track. She accepted and was surprised when her first temp-apprent was at a local Humar dining hall5.
With school in the morning, apprenticeships in the afternoon, and evenings filled with studies and chore, loneliness began to creep over Sila. Her new friend group was fun, but far less caring than the one she had with Agnit. She found old insecurities return when some of the friends made jokes about her fashion and appearance. When she discovered something new and shared it, it was often dismissed, and at worst, mocked.
Nearly a year after leaving her old friends for this new life, she finally found the courage to end the false friendship after a final insult. Arriving at school a little late, Sila was met by laughter from the new friend group. One of the girls mocked her by saying "never do blue", motioning towards her makeup she had experimented with. As she watched the laughter grow, and Kovono wipe a tear from his eye, she decided to simply cut them out of her life.
Losing her friends tore at her, but for the first several weeks, her rage at those she once called friends fueled her to persevere. After a month, however, the isolation began to deteriorate her resolve, and loneliness crept in. For six months, she drifted alone, too ashamed to reach out to her old friends. Even at home, she forced a smile for Agnit and the rest of her family, making excuses for her sudden free days at home. A desire to escape, to pretend life was as good as last year, bubbled in her caustic isolation. A longing for the families year-end vacation was one of her few happy moments left.
On the edge of winter, not long after the girls turned 17, their family broke the news that their annual vacations to Denjia had to stop. This was devastating news to Sila and Agnit, though their younger brothers lacked the history to know what they had lost. Sila was thoroughly devastated by this change in family dynamic. The pain she felt, having lost on her singular hope for a good year, was made harder by how quickly Agnit was able to rebound. Her sister's vacation replaced with a chance to travel with their mother Sovia on a work-conference.
Sila's parents were not blind to her turmoil, but hadn't been sure how to approach it once they realized it was more than just a fleeting teenage mood. Before Agnit took off with their mother, Likar came to Sila and asked if she'd like to go on a Mote Chase6 with him. Hesitant to go on a one-on-one vacation with her dad without any plan, she agreed only to get away from her schooling and temp-apprent work for some time.
The Mote Chase
Snapshot: Age 17
"This is so dumb. Can't I just eat a little." Sila side-eyed the bag of food that her father had collected while in town. Her stomach had not stopped making loud noises all afternoon, and it had gotten beyond simple embarrassment for her.
"It's for after. Our celebration food." her dad smiled at her while he drove on. His soft eyes were so reassuring that she couldn't even mope the way she wanted to. The hunger was the only bad part of the trip so far, and she knew it was important. "All part of the process. We drain our body to release our minds. That's what today has been. Exhaust and Inspire. All for today."
It was true that today had been both exhausting and inspiring. They were staying at a Suynal Center. A semi-religious, commune-run campground specializing in spiritual expression. Before the sun broke the horizon, her dad had woken her up, let her have some coffee, and then they went straight into a hike. It was beautiful, serene, and a struggle for Sila, who considered a deep stretch on the couch to be the height of her athleticism.
The sunrise was amazing though. At least until it wasn't.
It rose between Mt. Yua and Remmer Peak. It was like the day was being heralded in by two great sentinels, and she did indeed feel a sense of awe and inspiration. As beautiful as it was, it made her want to turn and tell Agnit, but the thought of trying to share a moment like that ate at her. Sila was the one that let their bond fray.
Her dad seemed to catch her mood and got her to her feet quickly. He insisted they go to the art studio and capture their memory while it was still fresh. They had accidentally stumbled into a class, but the instructor insisted they join them.
It was awkward; she was sweaty and felt gross, but it got worse when the instructor drew attention to them, asking what brought them in that morning. He turned their experience into the focus of the class, and everyone had to draw the sunrise as they saw it that morning.
When Sila let her mood splash dark clouds around the sun, she heard an older couple behind her joking about her teen moodiness. That further soured the moment. She tried to glare back at them, but it only drew more muffled snickers from them.
"So do you feel it then?" Her father asked, slowing the car and pulling Sila's attention from her sulking as she stared out the window. They rounded a steep curve as they left the city down in the valley.
"Huh?" It was less a word and more of a throaty noise as she rolled her head from the view below to her dad.
"Inspired, Sila! Tell me what the best section was at the gallery."
After their class, her father wanted to go to town. She won the small argument for a shower first—which was fast and uncomfortable in their "private outdoor" showers —but she powered through, anticipating breakfast afterward.
They did not have breakfast.
Instead, her father dropped her off at a gallery and then disappeared. While she was a bit bummed to be left alone, she did mostly enjoy the experience. It was surprisingly well stocked for a small town gallery, from museum-loaned pieces to expensive modern works for sale. They even had several exhibits on display.
She strolled through, happily enjoying the artwork until she found herself in a room with another group of teens. They were all clearly close friends, their laugher echoing in the room with light-hearted jokes bouncing between them. It made her chest ache. For the friends she'd left behind. For the people she couldn't reconnect with.
"The Uhnriba Collection, I think. That and the weird mirror star-burst rainbow room thing."
"Well the room sounds like fun," her father brought the car to the park yard for the campgrounds. "What was weird about it?"
"Just some light effects that used mirrors and colored bulbs to give you vertigo sensations. One section of a wall made you feel like you were falling in as you watched it. They had a small hall that vibrated with your steps and made the mirrors waver. It was fun."
"And this oonee-bro?"
Sila smirked as she glanced at her dad, who was waiting for her reaction. While her gut wanted her to give him the drawn out 'daaaaaaad' he was looking for, she resisted. Instead, she turned to get out of the car once it stopped. She grabbed some of the supplies he had bought and followed him as he returned the keys for their rented car.
"Well, don't keep papa-Likar waiting, who is he? I'm not well-learned in the pop-arts of the day."
"History, Dad," Sila smiled at the attendant who signed them in. "He was the guy that did most of the famous paintings in the Icha Towers. The ones that kinda turned all of their later literature toward the darker parts of the religion. You know, what we all think of when you say 'The Icha Church'."
Her dad scoffed at Sila's mock villain voice as they walked through the camp's visitors building. She followed her dad, unsure of what they were doing next. He asked her to continue as they entered the spiritual assistance room. The space looked like a freaky combination of a small pagan shrine and an apothecary. Charms, old-art displays, and herbs on every shelf.
"You know, all the demon spirits tossing people into endless storms and stuff. Lots of people being tortured. Lots of depictions of their evil guy, The Two Storms or something. I don't know, I'm not Ich."
"I think I know what you mean. You see them like that in the movies sometimes. They're a bit freaky, aren't they?" he asked with a sheepish smile as he grabbed a few herb bundles.
They walked to the desk to check out. Sila examined the various candies and edibles that were on display at the front. It was organized top to bottom by caste, though the highest caste were Korviant specific, which Sila imagined rarely visited. They were mostly natural products with luxurious names and elegant designs.
Her own Inma branded products were more familiar, though nothing she'd ever tried. She squatted down to look at the brightly colored Humar products just as her father tapped her shoulder.
"He needs to check your Sirivaklouin, Sila. I got approval for you to drink some Faosheen Tea tonight, if you want."
Sila was a little surprised, since her father hadn't mentioned it. She watched the clerk run a copy of the medical waiver, then begin writing down his own credentials.
Turning around, she drew her hair to the side, revealing her caste's marking. The clerk used his ID light to verify it before marking off Sila's verified caste. He then checked her father, who had his caste mark on his right upper arm, common for his generation.
Feeling a little trepidation, she watched as the tea was taken down. It was a natural focus stimulant, it used to in a lot of older medications for attention disorders. It wasn't legal until she was 18 with a few religious exceptions, and even when she was an adult, it was limited for Inma and Korviant use, though pillarfolk could take them freely.
"You okay with this?" her father asked, watching Sila's eyes follow the tea as he put it in his bag. "You don't have to take it if you don't want to."
"No, it's fine," it really was. There was some anxiety at the thought of taking a mood-altering substance, but it was a very mild one comparatively. She shrugged it off. "Just a bit surprised. I didn't know it was part of it."
"Really?" her dad tilted his head with a quizzical smile. "You did so much research for your starmarking. I'm surprised you didn't check out every book in the library about mote chasing throughout time."
"I mean, it just seemed like a silly ritual, like birthday songs or something. It didn't seem as, I don't know, ceremonial, I guess?" They were moving through the park towards their camp. They passed by the Humar zone and a beautiful lake with a hard, rocky shore. The Humar were having a festival on the grounds, and their section was getting packed. Tents parked by other tents mixed with a few large vans. Celebrations had already started for some as she watched them with a pang of jealousy over their large friend and family groups.
"You let me know if you want to drink it, and I'll make it. There is no pressure," her father reached an arm around her shoulders and gave her a strong squeeze, making her trip over her feet a bit before laughing and playfully pushing away. They continued until they reached their camp and began setting to work.
Their ground was more private than the Humar, though not quite as isolated as the spanfolk grounds. They had their tent set up facing their private fire pit, with ample space that would have been used if the rest of the family had come. Their lot was surrounded by thick, cultivated trees to seclude them, with the entrance facing the circular dead end that had other Inma camp spots branching off.
Despite the isolation, the sound of the yet-to-start Humar festivities was very audible, only lightly dampened by the trees and small hill that separated them. Mostly chatter, she heard the off and on beating of drums and the occasional band begin improvising music. It sounded fun, but was a bit distracting.
The worst was the food though. She could smell the various meats they were grilling and the smell of sweet and tangy sauces warming. With the sun on its final descent, Sila was more than ready to eat, but couldn't until they had tried to call and chase a mote.
Sila relaxed while her father set up everything. It was his idea for her to start 'getting in the headspace'.
She spent the time staring up through the mesh ceiling of her tent and watching the clouds, birds, and leaves blowing around. Her mind kept meandering between blissful daydreaming and creeping loneliness when the chatter of the Humar picked up.
After the fifth time the Humar picked up their celebrations, she got up with frustration and stepped out of the tent. Late summer was fading for an autumn chill, but the weather was nice still and she loved just being surrounded by it, distant friendships be cursed.
Her father was still struggling to set up some lights, waving off her attempt to help. So she set off for a small walk. Her feet meandered away from the sound of festivities until she reached a small dock off the lake that hadn't been used in a few years.
She walked onto it and sat down, watching the ripple from fish on the surface of the lake, feeling the familiar weight of loneliness creep over her. As beautiful as the campgrounds were, she would give anything to have a friend to share this moment with. Someone close and familiar just to share her space.
The sound of her name being echoed out pulled her attention back to the now.
Someone other than her parents, she thought with a sigh.
She walked back and was greeted with a corny display of lanterns, prints from her favorite places, books, and movies, and a small CD player that was on but being drowned out by the Humar festivities. Her father was reading over a note he had when she approached him.
"Perfect. So, full disclosure, I've never done a Mote Chase, or witnessed one in real life. So I'm kinda just winging it a bit, but I spoke to a priest beforehand and think I have it down," he tapped his page a few times, the paper bending pathetically in his hand, revealing dozens of scratches and arrows scribbled haphazardly. "It starts with the tea, if you'd like, followed by the lighting of the Mote Bundle."
Sila looked at the campfire, already burning with a low fire. An iron grate over some of the flames held the teapot, giving weak, periodic whistles as the water inside struggled to stay at temp.
"Let's get high then," Sila joked, her face immediately blushing as her father's face shifted to mild disappointment.
"It won't do anything like that. It's only one cup. It helps you focus." He walked over and carefully got the tea and poured their glasses, the tea bags already inside and ready. "We drink it, we light the mote bundle, then we sit and draw our troubles. You don't literally have to draw them, or draw at all. We express our emotions, but I figured you'd want to draw. Draw or journal."
Her father had motioned at an easel nearby. It was prepared for both of them. She walked over and grabbed the paint supplies, setting them up, facing sideways to the fire to fight off the chill. After a few more minutes, her father walked over with the tea in his hands, the small wrapped mote bundle tucked under his arm.
"Cash now." He raised his glass to Sila who laughed as they clinked their cups.
"Krashnouv," she corrected, the equivalent of 'cheers' in Viguel. They drank their tea in one long, slightly awkward drag. The contents were grossly woody, like wet twigs and grass, with a dryness in it that left Sila smacking her lips for water.
"Now Sila, shove this into the center, catch it on fire, and enjoy."
Taking the mote bundle, she walked to the edge of the flames and leaned in, tossing the package into the center that her father had cleared. She used the poker to shift the burning logs and coals up against the package, which immediately started burning. The wrappings burnt away first, revealing the tight bundle of herbs inside. Nestled inside the dried leaves were crystal-like bit, one of which caught fire with the wrapping, sparking lightly and sending little sparkles into the air a little way.
"Oh, wait." Her father pulled his paper out and grabbed Sila's hand. "We have a prayer. Read it with me."
She looked at his paper, an indecipherable array of words, arrows, and scratches, but found the short prayer in his scratch. He had to lead it; she struggled to understand his handwriting, but followed along.
"We honor our ancestors, who have blazed the path in life we have followed. We honor the stars that have illuminated our path on the darkest of nights. We honor the spirits that imbue us with the strength and the traits we need to overcome the trial of breath. Now, as we walk into the unseen, we ask for the wisdom and guidance of the three realms. Show us the paths before us, that we may continue our trials true to your ways. In the light of the stars."
A sudden pop from the bundle blew out a dozen small sparkles into the air. They flew up and around, swirling in a dance as they fell slowly, landing over Sila's easel and chair.
"The first sign," her father nudged at her with his elbow. "Let's follow their way."
"What do we paint? Just whatever we don't like?"
"You paint what troubles you. Don't worry, I won't look. When you're done, we burn it. This canvas is designed for it."
Sila sighed softly, unsure of where to begin, but started with a poor representation of herself with a dramatic frowning face. Her brush moved lazily over the canvas, her mood dour at trying to articulate her troubles. She traced over the same lines again and again as she tried thinking about how to paint the weight of the past year.
Music drifted in with evening wind as the sun finished falling behind the horizon. It was deep, resonant, and heavy on the drums. As the fire danced across their campgrounds, Sila felt herself get a bit lost to it, swaying her body to the rhythms of the fire and beat. She took her brush to the canvas again and began drawing figures along the outer edges of the painting, letting her hand paint for her.
The music picked up, the chill crept in, and Sila continued her picture. The brush moved in a steady flow as she felt her inner turmoil funnel through her arm and into the image.
Dip, swish, swish.
She flowed to the beat of the music. Before she had realized it, she was done.
"What now?" she asked her dad, who was hunched over his own, using a lantern to add fine details. He looked up at her, smiling.
"Burn it Ruby. Take your troubles and burn them. If a mote flies out, you chase it. It'll guide you to an image that represents your path!" He gestured dramatically at all of the artwork around them.
She grabbed her art, walked to the campfire and looked down at her image. Amateurish, not that it mattered when it was about to burn. It was her, surrounded by friends, separated by a large ring of fire and coal.
She tossed it on the flames.
A spray of embers burst up, causing her to jump back. She swiped at her face as the small red debris floated toward her, tiny jolts of heat pricking at her arms.
"Sorry!" she exclaimed, coughing from the smoke.
"No, Sila, look! Motes!"
Stepping back from the smoke, she looked out and saw dozens of the little purple-blue motes flying out. One flew down directly at her, the chilled wind propelling it, forcing her to duck as it narrowly avoided her face.
"Chase it!" her father said, standing and pointing as it flew towards the tent.
Leaving the warmth of the campfire, she set off toward the mote, following it. She felt silly chasing it as it drifted up then over the tent. She doubled back, watching as it moved towards the pictures her dad set up.
The wind shifted, taking it into the air. Sila spun around, following it. It danced against the dark sky, fluttering and swaying. The movements seemingly in tune with the drums beating at the festival nearby.
Her father said something but it was a background hum, her mind was solely focused on the mote. It continued to burn bright as she watched it drift about in the air.
A breeze blew in from the east, taking the mote off toward the treeline. Sila chased it, her eyes focused so intensely on the mote that she began tripping and stumbling through the brambles.
Her breathing became ragged as she clambered up the small but steep hill. The woods were much darker, making the mote a shining beacon as she watched it float between branches and leaves.
What is this going to show me? She wondered.
She clambered on a fallen log, grabbing a tree to pause and hold steady. Her eyes foundthe mote as it started drifting down. Though she felt silly chasing it, like a child, there was a compulsion in her to follow the light.
It danced down. She thought to grab it, but as she lifted her hands it billowed up again, over the hill. Her father called to her, but she couldn't will herself to respond as she followed it over the crest, chasing it down.
Jumping over branches and brush, she made it to the bottom of the hill and immediately froze at the sight of easily a hundred people gathered in a festive dance. A large bonfire in the center with numerous circles of people dancing to the beats of the drums played by on an elevated stage.
Several groups sat at the edges of the party. Some cooking on large grills, some eating the food, and others simply gathered around and socializing as they bobbed and moved to the rhythm. As fun as it looked, she wasn't here for it. Her focus was on the mote.
The mote!
She glanced up and around, but couldn't see the dim glow of the mote against the bright festival bonfire.
"Hey, are you okay, ma'am?" A man approached her, a drink in one hand and a partly eaten sandwich in the other. The smell of the meat enticed her but she shook her head, both at her distracting hunger and his question.
"It's silly. I was supposed to follow a mote," she felt suddenly self-concious, crossing her arms across herself a bit.
The man, young but still older than Sila, shook his head as he took a bite of food. His gaze wandered the skies as he spoke as he chewed. "Not silly! We gotta find your guide!"
He pointed with his drink, saying something incoherent. Sila turned to see the purplish mote sailing between a few people who all exclaimed with excitement and pointed.
Sila moved toward it, the man following, telling others as they went that she was chasing a mote. A part of her felt self-conscious, but seeing the light floating drew her back in and she followed it.
The crowds dispersed as she moved, people stepping aside as they saw the mote. A few times it weaved between people, forcing apart their dance or conversation. Through it all, Sila followed it, keeping as close as she could without disturbing its path, wondering when it would land.
As she got close to the circle of dancers, it suddenly veered off, elevated by a warm draft, its path taking a dramatic left turn. Sila jogged after it, a small collection of curious people behind her.
It flew up into the air, then lost all of its chaotic energy, drifting down like a feather.
Sila paused in anticipation. It was about to fall between a group of Humar teens. Her face burned, thinking she may have to step between them to see where her mote landed.
"Divinities whit, is that a mote?" One of the teens exclaimed as the mote fell before them, beyond Sila's vision.
"This girl's on a mote chase!" The feasting man yelled, his sandwich down to the last few bites.
The group opened up, the couple that had their backs turned to Sila stepping sideways and looking at her. Her hungry stomach did a flip and she felt suddenly very alone and vulnerable in the festival crowd, in a place she shouldn't be.
Yet she stepped forward.
The purple light of her mote had stopped to rest on the back of the hand of a girl who held another girl's hand. By their look, they were sisters, talking together before the mote interrupted them.
"This yours?" one onf the sister's asked.
"She's Inma!"
"What's she doing?"
"Spanfolk chase motes too?"
The murmurs seemed to surround her, shrinking Sila as she took a step back.
The sisters separated their hands and the mote drifted for a moment, then spiraled in a wide circle around the group of teens, settling finally at Sila's feet. She looked around at the group, who in turn watched her.
"Sorry, I don't.... It's dumb," Sila's voice began to grow quiet as she watched them. "I'm sorry."
"Don't worry, it's fine," one of the boys said casually. "I had my first mote chase last month. What is it showing you?"
"I don't know," Sila said, truly unsure.
"You chased it from your camp all the way to us. Is it a caste thing? Is it a friends thing?" One girl asked, her voice full of genuine curiosity.
"Is it about family?" one of the sisters asked, looking at her hand for a moment then at Sila. "It landed on our hands. We're sisters. He's our brother. The rest are friends from our neighborhood."
Sila looked at the sisters and for a moment felt an ache in her core unrelated to her hunger.
She missed Agnit and her friends.
"Over here, guy." Someone nearby called out Sila's location. Her father's voice echo out in response as one of the Humar adults came up behind her, waving away towards her father.
She turned to see him rush up and pause, his face both anxious and relieved.
"Sila! Are you okay?" He looked like he was about to hug her, but caught the flush on her face. He dropped his voice, a compassionate hum under the crowd. "You just took off into the crowd."
"I think... I think I know what it's telling me to do," she said. "It wants me to reconnect."
Her father's face lifted to her words. He exchanged a few quick thanks with the crowd around them before stepping up with his goofy grin. "You chased the mote, and it showed you the way then? Told you it might help!"
"Vom a vish!" the man, his sandwich finally eaten, yelled out. It meant that she had found her path. He yelled it louder, clearly enjoying being a part of her journey.
Several of the crowd around them joined the chant for a few rounds, then went back to their festivities. The man smiled at Sila's dad and motioned at his drink. "We won't tell if you guys want to celebrate with us! I'll take you to the food and drinks!"
A coy smile crept over her father's face as he turned to Sila. "Sounds fun, huh? Ready for that celebratory feast?"
She cracked a huge smile at the thought, her mouth already watering. "Yes!"
The crowd around them clapped and hollered, welcoming them. The two set off, eager to fill their bodies as Sila had filled her soul with the answers she needed.
fin
After experiencing her Mote Chase with her dad, Sila knew she needed to reconnect with her friends. Despite the years of adventures they shared, Sila struggled to reconnect. Unspoken words, awkward shared glances, and a deep shame at letting their friendships wither, if not actively smothering them, left her unsure how to rekindle their bond. She started with Agnit the day after they both returned home, using some of their apprenticeship money to go out for lunch and catch up.
Guilt fueled much of their reconnection. Sila hadn't realized that her sister had been preparing to join the military, having already switched apprentice tracks to "Civil Security" and had finished her first temp-apprent with a fire watch unit. A small fear grew in Sila's heart at the news, as the Alnisian military was a separate caste with its own rules that Sila didn't know. Beyond the social restrictions, she knew that there was some international tension with Vigrent, but she had never followed current affairs and wasn't sure if it would put Agnit in danger.
As disappointed in herself as she was, Agnit was also ashamed that she hadn't noticed Sila's struggles. As their conversation shifted from one sister to the other, they began to brainstorm a plan for Sila. With their Journeyschool nearing completion, Sila planned to attend university as Agnit entered military service. Sila needed to complete her apprenticeship track, take the AFSu7 , the career aptitude test, and apply for placement in both school and housing. With her sister's help, Sila chose her path; Sila would pursue the culinary arts.
School continued as graduation grew ever closer. Sila doubled down on her culinary studies, choosing a temp-apprent position focused more on food preparation jobs over nutritional health or agriculture. Agnit began physical conditioning at the local civic center, even dragging Sila into a couple of the less intense training classes. Both girls reconnected with Leeva, who had never stopped trying to stay connected. Sila even used some of her free days to visit with Buvik and Shantavika while they were still allowed to without extensive caste-visitation planning.
Home life felt chaotic to Sila. She saw her parents often, but they were usually busy with her numerous siblings, leaving conversations superficial at best. One of her last meaningful conversations with her family was with her blood-father Vorix and father Bakeen when they took her out to celebrate the completion of her Inma Project, a new bike-sharing system the government was testing in a community too far away for her to see in action. Though it was a great dinner and her fathers were proud, her fears and uncertainties about graduation bled through. Tears were shed, but they reassured her that the transition into adulthood would be nothing but wonderful chaos.
To Sila, graduation felt more like a loss than celebration. Agnit was thrilled, ready to ship off for training, but Sila saw each goodbye as a shattered fragment of a lost life. Receiving her diploma was a hazy blur. Her first sharp memory came later, standing in the park, Shantavika saying "I'll miss you" as she pulled away from a hug, the last time they would see each other as equals.
The next day, Sila's mind was still raced with tasks to complete and memories of her old life blinking out of existence - until Agnit came to her. It was her last day at home before leaving. Sila still had two months before she could move into a new community home, and her classes wouldn't start until then.
A Long Goodbye
Snapshot: Age 19
Sila and Agnit sat on the large rock that overlooked Drivis Hurora Park, the same park they played at as kids. Children ran around and on the equipment, their carefree joy spreading across the greens. Their laughter kept drawing Sila's eyes, and a surge of nostalgia and grief followed. Tears swelled each time, forcing her head to turn back to her sister, but several wet lines showed her inability to hold back wholly her sadness.
"It's not the end of the world. It's not the end of anything. They give military a caste-pass. Article-"
"Five, section such and such. I know Agnit." Sila teased her sister. She had repeated it at least a dozen times over the last week. She was right. Agnit, like all the military, was allowed caste exemptions when visiting with family, effectively becoming dual-caste while on leisure-orders. It wouldn't be the same though. She would need to carry her badge and paperwork. She could be stopped when they visited this park and asked to display her papers, breaking the moment.
There was a long silence. Agnit was clearly struggling with the moment as well, but she held herself together better than Sila did. For the last few months, it was like Agnit was already transforming. Physically, Sila watched Agnit's arms grow firm and strong. She went from wrestling Sila equally for footing on the couch to dominating without Sila without any hope of victory.
Emotionally, Agnit was growing distant. Not cold and uncaring, but something more somber. Everything they did had the air of finality about it. It was enough to make Sila storm off in a rage on more than one occasion.
"I'm just saying we will still see each other. We can write, call, scry, vid, or anything else, all the time. We can always talk. I have three months of conditioning training, and after that, I'll be free to chat whenever I'm not in classes. Besides, you'll be busy starting your own whole new life." Agnit placed her hand on Sila's, squeezing it. The new strength in her hands help amplify the familiar grooves of her sister's embrace.
"I know. It just feels like...it feels like you have this beautiful and bright roadmap, and I'm stumbling in the snow, shoveling a path as I go."
"Oh, you know it's not that bad. These next two months are going to be your last time to just relax and let time flow naturally. Once you start university, all thoughts of me will fade away to your culinary delights. You won't have time to think about me between all the trays of cookies and pots of pasta you'll be making."
Sila smiled downward, lifting her knees up to dry her cheeks on them. The damp marks on her jeans were highlighted in the sharp light of the setting sun.
"What if I don't like the people I share the community home with? What if I don't like my university?"
"And what if you love the people in your community home? What if you never want to leave your classes?"
Sila laughed aloud. "Never want to leave? I don't want to be one of those people who think my school years are the best ones!"
Agnit jumped up, tugging her sister lightly until they both were off the rock. "But they can be one of the best. A long series of bests. Like the time we found little Lady Ruby and our mothers took us on a kitten shopping spree, or the entire week you were paraded around after finally knocking Thadik's tooth out for all his shit talk. And then you can follow them up with other bests. You'll open your own restaurant someday, you'll marry into an amazing sereta, you'll have amazing children. You'll finally climb the mountains of Tes and meet the Wergerfi people first hand. You'll ride a waterlope, invent a hybrid fruit for your very own pastry, watch your children become the best of their caste and enjoy your wonder years on the beaches of Denjia with me, just like when we were children."
"That does all sound wonderful." Sila had a gentle smile rise up despite the sadness still enveloping the surrounding atmosphere. They began to head down the hill towards the small pond where a group was packing up a picnic and heading out. The fountain in the center was slowly dying down. Eventually, the moonlight lantern would begin to glow and rise up out of it, illuminating the area in a dim blanket of light.
Frogs began to chirp in unison with various bugs and beetles as the sky took on a reddish hue. They wandered the perimeter of the pond, hand-in-hand, until they reached the tiny pier. They stepped on it, leaning over and looking down at the few fish still swimming under the clear waters, the clarity slowly fading in the dimming light.
"I've been so caught up in my world that I haven't even asked how you are feeling." Sila glanced at her sister, feeling a pit of shame in her gut as she realized how selfish she had been.
"Honestly, I'm really nervous. Did you ever meet Valiana?"
Sila nodded slowly. "Yeah, but I don't really know her."
"She's joining too. I've been running and working out with her, but she is in so much better shape than me, it's absurd. Plus I've been caught on a cycle of watching the videos of the enforcers at Conditioning showing off their "biggest fails". They aren't supposed to record them, but of course there are videos out there, and it looks a little awful. There was one where a kid was hanging, just stuck on a tower in the middle of the night, the enforcer came out and was all 'look at this piece of shit. Hey! Are you still sniveling up there?'. He was afraid of heights, so they sent him up to retrieve the flag, then left him."
"That sounds awful!"
"And I'm going into it knowing."
A moment of silence filled the air. They leaned their shoulders against each other. "But I bet it's rewarding when you graduate."
"The most rewarding moment of their lives they say. Maybe that's true. I hope I don't cry at graduation," Agnit laughed at the idea, the humor not stopping a tear rolling down her cheek.
She tried to casually wipe it away. Sila, only now noticing, grabbed her sister and hugged her tight.
"How long can we stay out tonight?" Sila asked, glancing at her watch and looking out at the darkening sky.
"As late as you want. We can make this the longest goodbye ever."
Sila chuckled. "I'd like that, but you should probably be at least a little rested for your first day in training. Should we head back?"
"Not yet."
"Yeah." Sila relaxed, leaning forward onto the railing of the pier. A sad smile crossed her face as she looked back at her sister, knowing it would be the last time seeing her like this ever again. "We still have a few hours to say goodbye. One really, really long goodbye."
fin
After nearly a week of catatonic depression, her mother Sovia finally decided to shake her daughter out of mood, dragging her out on her business trip. Sila protested so fiercely that the entire household reprimanded her for her adolescent outbursts. They reminded her that she would be an adult soon and needed to behave like it. After the fifth parental lashing, it finally stuck, and she snapped out of her self-pity and agreed to go. Sovia had a conference on an Arier outbreak she had to attend, but she had arranged some day-long events for Sila to help shake her out of her mire.
Expecting an educational day trip, Sila was both confused and delighted when her mother pulled up to the drop-off, gesturing to a giant banner that hung over the plaza. "Gastronomy for All; Food, Art, Culture. 12th Annual All-Caste Expo". She had heard about the expo, but the cost was absurd for even single day. Yet, there she was, with a ticket to attend and prepaid card from her mother.
It was the single most amazing moment of her two months of calm before her transformation into adulthood. Her culinary spark was ignited. No longer was it a simple chore she enjoyed - it had become a full-on passion. It left her invigorated for life. By the time her mother met up with her, she had her hands full of booklets, brochures, and a sheepish grin as she handed the drained card back.
For the remainder of the spring, she was a hurricane in the kitchen. The family fueled her passion, struggling to keep the kitchen stocked as she worked tirelessly to perfect every meal and keep the family topped off with snacks between. Her parents took the excess leftovers to their work offices, letting other families share in Sila's creations. Once cooking at home no longer became enough, she volunteered at Humar kitchens that sought temporary work or interns. As her final days at home approached, she grew ever more excited to start her life.
Footnotes
Summer Nap. A summer break from schooling in early summer to help children refresh their minds and teachers to prepare the next semester's plans. It is generally only a couple of weeks long.
Journeyschool. Caste-specific schooling for graduates of Core Schooling. Generally lasts from puberty to adulthood. The castes, while separated, still stay in the same building and a few courses are kept intercaste to promote positive relations. School events generally remain caste-neutral.
Starmarking. A Valnic religious ceremony, often practiced formally in orthodox communities but generally observed by most. It is a coming-of-age celebration combined with a path-finding ceremony. It is generally private but celebrated afterwards.
Lower Journeyschool to Higher Journeyschool. Lower Journeyschool lasts from early teenager or equivalent and begins the caste-specific classes. Higher Journeyschool is later teenage years or equivalent and is mostly caste-dependent courses. It is the last childhood education program.
Humar dining hall. Public dining facilities are normal in Alnisia, but Humar generally have their own in their residential districts, where families can dine together or collect pre-packaged foods to cook at home.
Mote Chase. A Valnic practice where someone feeling lost releases their ego and follows the whims of the stars in hopes of finding answers to what is troubling them.
AFSu. Alnisian exams of Future Success. A mandatory placement exam that narrows the fields that alnisians can take for university. Note that this acronym and name is English translated.
